Conservative Babylon

This deserves its own entry (we’ll get to it), but we don’t want to delay such priceless news even long enough to ferret out the perfect Bible reading for this Mastermind of Evil, the one, the only Karl Rove:

Karl Rove granted divorce in Texas

December 29, 2009

Karl Rove, former senior adviser to President George W. Bush, has been granted a divorce in Texas after 24 years of marriage, a family spokesperson said. …

More at Politico.

Oh, and skinny Bush mouthpiece Dana Perino says we’re all supposed to “respect” the Roveses’ “privacy.”

Respect their privacy? After Rove “led the whole anti-gay marriage movement while protecting a family secret“?

Not on your sweet bippy, Dana. Not on K-K-K-Karl’s sweet bippy.

More to come.

That’s really about all the news there is: The 91-year-old founder of Oral Roberts University and melodramatic televangelist (who saw a 900-foot-tall Jesus and raised a child from the dead) took a fall at his California home yesterday, and he died today, December 15, 2009.

But, ConBab has never pegged The Oral as a flaming hypocrite before; why mention his death now?

Because it reminds us that we really need to write up his son, Richard, and Richie’s wife Lindsay, one of these days. Now there’s some major scandal.

And then, of course, there’s our favorite Oral Roberts story, about how Oral wheedled $9 million out of his followers after God threatened to kill him…

See:

Everything You Need to Know About the Oral Roberts Scandal… So Far, Lavender Newswire, October 9, 2007

Oral Roberts U Scandal: Exit Richie, Enter “Convicted Sexual Deviant”, Lavender Newswire, October 17, 2007

See all entries for John Ensign

Several former aides to Sen. John Ensign have been subpoenaed by the Senate Ethics Committee as the investigation of the Nevada Republican shifts into high gear and dramatically raises the political and legal stakes for the embattled senator.

Ensign admitted to the affair with Cindy Hampton in June… Doug Hampton claims that Ensign later aided him in lining up lobbying clients…

Beginning Wednesday, several former Ensign aides, including John Lopez, his former chief of staff, and Mike Slanker, Ensign’s former top political adviser and fundraiser, received document subpoenas from the Ethics Committee, according to sources close to the case. … NV Energy, a Nevada utility firm, also disclosed it had received a subpoena. …

More at Politico.

See all entries for Steve Nunn

So, the daughter of Amanda Ross, the woman former gubernatorial candidate Steve Nunn allegedly shot to death in September, has filed a civil wrongful-death lawsuit against Nunn — and has also named Nunn’s daughter as co-defendant.

Seems Nunn “fraudulently transferred personal property in his house to his oldest daughter after the suit had been filed, and that she sold the items at auction.” [WKYT]

Meanwhile, Nunn’s lawyer says “he may have to withdraw as Nunn’s attorney if the judge won’t release funds from an escrow account to pay his legal expenses.” [Glasgow Daily Times]

See all entries for Mark Sanford

Continuing to milk her victimhood for all its worth (don’t get us wrong — we approve) — no doubt due to her book, slated for publication in May, 2010 — wronged wife of South Carolina governor and laughingstock Mark Sanford did an interview with Barbara Walters, scheduled to air Wednesday night:

Claims to fame: High-profile (in the Christian world, anyway) Trinity Broadcasting Network personality; frequent guest, TBN’s “Behind the Scenes”; head pastor, Trinity Music City Church, main place of worship at Paul Crouch’s Christian amusement park, Hendersonville, Tennessee; drunk driver; in the opinion of some, de facto killer

Because we could spend 24/7 tracking the sex crimes of right-wing religionists (especially “youth pastors”) and never get caught up. Of the following, the more interesting cases will probably end up with their very own Conservative Babylon entries.

See all entries for Stephen & Melina McPherson

A judge reinstated Melina McPherson’s bond Tuesday and said she would face a jury trial Feb. 3 on a charge of taking indecent liberties with a teen girl whom she supervised at a Christian children’s home in the late 1990s.

McPherson, 38, of Chesapeake, had been jailed since Nov. 17, when Circuit Judge A. Joseph Canada Jr. revoked her bond and rejected a plea deal that called for 40 days in jail. At the time, he said the jail term was inadequate. …

She is charged with molesting a teen girl, and her husband, Stephen, has been convicted of molesting the girl’s two sisters. …

More at the Virginian-Pilot.

See all entries for Joshua O’Bannion

Know where he is? The Parma, Ohio, police would love to hear from you: (440) 887-7340.

An arrest warrant was issued for the former minister at First United Pentecostal Church of Parma.

Joshua O’Bannion, 25, is accused of having sexual contact with two girls at the church. He failed to appear last month for arraignment in Cuyahoga County Common Pleas Court.

More at Cleveland.com.

See main entry for Robert Kevin Carlino

See all entries for Robert Kevin Carlino

“Who I’d like to meet: I would like to meet me in 5 years…” — Robert Kevin Carlino, long before his arrest

A 32-year-old Newfield man was sentenced to 5 years in federal prison Monday on charges that his home computer contained 134 sexually-exploitative images of a 9-year-old girl.

Robert Kevin Carlino will also be forced to served 10 years of supervised release upon completion of his prison term.

More at NJ.com.

We say “apparent SM play” because, seriously, does anybody need a safe word during boring old vanilla sex? “Honey, I’m really bored now, so could you stop poking me with that thing? Honey…? Green balloons! Green balloons!”

Of course Rod Jetton is a Republican — the sort who really, really, really hates Teh Ghey: He stripped Missouri Rep. Scott Lipke as chair of the state’s Committee on Crime Prevention and Public Safety because the latter “chose to use the [Jessica's Law] bill to delete 14 words from our laws in order to repeal the gay sex ban in Missouri.

“Thanks to that deletion,” wailed the married, Methodist, “family values” guy in 2007, “it is now legal to engage in deviate sexual intercourse with someone of the same sex here in Missouri.”

Never mind that the U.S. Supreme Court overturned all state sodomy laws years earlier (why let a little thing like that get in the way of keeping your homophobic hatred on the books?), or that Jetton admitted the sex “ban was technically unenforceable”; let’s see what Jetton really knows about deviate sexual intercourse in Missouri:

See all entries for Chip Pickering

The fun just never ends in the Pickering family:

December 7, 2009

Former Congressman (and C Streeter) Chip Pickering is reportedly under police investigation for his involvement in a brawl with a rival youth league soccer coach.

Apparently, police were called to Liberty Park in Madison, Mississippi, after Pickering and coach Christopher Hester came to blows when Pickering confronted Hester over the treatment of Pickering’s son.

The kicker? Hester claims he was wearing a neck brace at the time of the incident.

More at TPM, with additional links.

See feature article, “C Street / The Family / The Fellowship”

See all entries for C Street / The Family / The Fellowship

From the Best News of the Year (So Far) Dept:

Due to a server catastrophe upgrade out of our control, we lost a number of posts, including a long one bringing us up to date on Carrie Prejean’s sex tape (and the deliciously messy aftermath).

We are not happy.

But hang in there with us — everything will be back to normal soon (and perhaps we’ll come up with an even dicier Carrie post!).

Claims to fame: President, Junior Achievement, Oklahoma; Sunday school teacher, Indian Springs Baptist Church, Tulsa; suspected pornmaker with “an issue”