Conservative Babylon

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See all entries for Ted Klaudt

As you recall, one of the two foster daughters Ted Klaudt conned into a rape scene filed suit (for “negligence, breach of fiduciary duty and battery”) against Klaudt and his wife, claiming that “Connie Klaudt knew about the abuse and did nothing to stop it.”

Today, we hear, Connie is…

…distancing herself from a lawsuit filed in federal court. …

In response to the plaintiff’s complaint, Connie Klaudt asked a judge to dismiss the lawsuit because she had no responsibility over her husband and that the plaintiff could have stopped the sexual assaults.

Gee, Connie, weren’t you, uh, living in the same darned house?

Claims to fame: Mediocre pretty-boy actor; Brat Pack mainstay; Democrat-turned-IINO (Independent In Name Only) -turned-Republican; celebrity sex-tape star; whiner

Moral apex: You might think it’s the sexual harassment case brought against him by his former nanny, but we think Lowe’s greatest moral failing came in 2003, when he went all turncoat on the Democratic Party (at eight, he ran a lemonade stand — or sold Kool-Aid door-to-door, depending on who’s telling the story — as a fundraiser for George McGovern) to work for fellow Conservative Babylonian Arnold Schwarzenegger’s gubernatorial campaign — to “recruit other celebrities to endorse Arnold.” (He told the Observer in 2007 that “he has since made a familiar middle-aged family-man’s journey towards the centre and now describes himself as an independent.”)

But that doesn’t have anything to do with sex, so let’s turn to… sex.

“Famously,” recalls the Observer…

…he and the rest of the bratpack were wild boys, who drank and screwed their way about Hollywood. Then came the incident in 1988 — his McAllister Moment — when he got into trouble at the Democratic National convention in Atlanta while campaigning for presidential candidate Michael Dukakis.

He picked up two girls in a bar for a threesome, which was videotaped. The girls took the recording, which later became one of the first mass-marketed celebrity sex tapes. It turned out that one of the girls was only 16. Lowe argued that, as he had met the girls in a bar, it had been reasonable to assume they were of legal age, though he eventually settled a claim out of court. He also went into rehab.

So, that happened when he was a Democrat. What’s interesting is Lowe’s take on it now that he’s a self-proclaimed “Independent” (ConBab definition: A Republican trying to avoid the stigma of being a Republican by calling himself an Independent. See also: Libertarian)…

“I regret nothing,” Lowe says. “I wouldn’t be where I am today without my mistakes. Particularly my mistakes. Exclusively my mistakes.”

(”There’s no doubt,” muses the Observer writer, “he’s said all this before, many times, and that he’s got the sincerity down pat.”)

And what of his current sex scandal? This one’s a he-said, she-said deal, but the way Lowe is handling it is, well, low(e).

On April 7, 2008, Rob Lowe sued three ex-employees — two nannies and a chef — for breach of contract, defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress. On the very same day, he tried to undermine a sexual-harassment claim from one of the nannies by broadcasting his side of the story in a blog entry on The Huffington Post.

First, The Chef: Pete Clements told TMZ:

…he has “no clue” about any lawsuits filed against him, adding the only reason he had even an inkling about it was because his mom called and left him a message after she heard about it.

In the 19-page suit, Lowe says Clements had sex on his bed “with third parties” when he was out of town, raided the family medicine cabinet for drugs to parcel out to friends, tampered with security cameras and overcharged them for food. He also allegedly called Rob’s wife Sheryl cold, heartless and “unclean.”

Next, Nanny #1: Lowe and his wife hit Laura Boyce with a million-dollar lawsuit, “claiming she told secrets and lies about their family.”

Finally, Nanny #2, the one you’ve been hearing the most about. Explains The Scotsman:

…44-year-old Lowe last week filed a suit against [former nanny Jessica Gibson], demanding damages of at least $1m and charging her with violating a confidentiality agreement, defamation and infliction of emotional distress on him, his wife and their two sons. His claim? That the nanny was trying to blackmail him for $1.5m. Oh, and that she fancied him.

It started on Monday when Lowe posted a heartfelt, dramatic and occasionally nonsensical blog on The Huffington Post, the liberal website run by US columnist and socialite Arianna Huffington. In it, he alleged that his former nanny, who had worked for the Lowes on and off for years, showed up after abandoning her post unexpectedly and demanded hush money for keeping her lips sealed. Otherwise, she claimed she would go to the press with allegations of harassment. Lowe was mortified, incensed, morally affronted you might even say. Maybe that’s why in his impassioned public declaration, he made no sense whatsoever.

“No sense whatsoever,” indeed. In “Household Betrayal,” Lowe accuses Gibson of making “false claims of harassment particularly for financial gain,” and, without using the word “blackmail,” says that Gibson tried to blackmail the Lowes:

A former employee is demanding my wife Sheryl and I pay her $1.5 million by the end of the week or she will accuse us both of a vicious laundry list of false terribles.

Without explaining those “false terribles” (a phrase we predict will enjoy wide usage from now on, like “Twinkie defense” and “When monkeys fly out of my butt”), Lowe then goes on to bemoan the “devastation” his family feels at this “betrayal” — and then betrays Gibson by publishing two (presumably private) text messages she sent to Lowe’s wife. Lowe attempts to justify this as an illustration that Gibson suffered nothing in his employ:

Does that sound like someone who has been treated badly? Nothing about abuse in the workplace or inappropriate conduct; nothing about discrepancies with monies owed, no explanation as to why she would return numerous times to a job she considered so abusive.

Back that truck up: “why she would return numerous times”? This is a reiteration of an earlier remark:

In fact, she left other jobs to return to work for us three different times.

So? So, wait ’til you get to the end of Lowe’s screed, where he appears to be implying that Gibson was a screwed-up mess of a human being (and maybe a substance abuser):

During her time in our home my wife tried to mentor this young woman. She took her into her confidence. We took her into our hearts. Having 18 years of sobriety, both my wife and I tried to be supportive as she struggled with personal issues.

Which begs the question — asked so simply and clearly by a reader (”sdrawkcab”) commenting on Lowe’s diatribe:

“You left your boys in the hands of a person with a history of emotional problems?”

What’s more: Why would you hire her back three times… d00d?

Lowe writes: “But we never saw this coming.”

We write: Then your judgment, all around, must really suck, Robbo.

Finally, as for Gibson’s amorous fantasies, Lowe writes:

Recently, a colleague of hers has come forward to reveal that this young woman had “a crush” on me and told her on many occasions, “I wish he would get a divorce.”

Hmm, what’s that word that starts with the letter H? Oh, yeah, I remember:

“Hearsay: Second-hand information that usually constitutes inadmissible evidence; hearsay evidence includes statements by a witness recalling events related to the witness by someone else.”

“Hearsay: Evidence based on what the witness has heard someone else say, rather than what the witness has personally experienced or observed.”

“Unless one of about thirty exceptions applies, hearsay is not allowed as evidence in the United States.”

As for Lowe’s, erm, intergity (?) in publishing a hit piece on Gibson — when his accusations, if true, are a criminal matter that should be handled through the authorities rather than playing one-man kangaroo court on the Internet — we’re not at all surprised that Lowe took the low(e) road and ran whining to whoever he thought would support him (in this case, starry-eyed fans, some of whom commented on his HuffPo smear that Lowe is still so gosh-darned cute, he could “sexually harass” them anytime).

See, Lowe’s done this sort of thing before. Sorry we’re not about to relate yet another seamy, steamy sex story, but this is indicative of Lowe’s apparent tendency to play the victim card to get what he wants, instead of handling grown-up matters like a grown-up. Here, C.W. Nevius re-caps how Lowe’s plans to build a 15,000-square-foot megamansion (for a family of four?) near Santa Barbara led to the resignations or firings of a slew of journalists (we’ve heard the final total was 18, but we don’t know for certain) from the local newspaper.

Memorable observations:

There is, of course, nothing we like more than an A-lister with a less than clean personal history attempting to clamber up on their high horse.

A life of highs and Lowes
Profile: Rob Lowe
The Scotsman
April 13, 2008

Memorable observations by readers of Lowe’s HuffPo piece:

It seems odd to me that a Republican like yourself would come to Huffpost for attention and support, Mr. Lowe.

— Doug Watt

Doug, it seems even more odd that Huffpost would welcome such a self serving one sided post from this Schwarzenegger fund raising Republican.

— BongWater

Very odd you would air dirty laundry regarding your family on a blog. Suspiciously like a preemptive shot before the story breaks.

— BigLib

Isn’t this a matter for the police, rather than Huffington Post? Extortion is illegal. Seems an odd choice to plead his case here.

— JhNyc

This is a personal matter that should be referred to law enforcement and/or a competent attorney. It has no place on a public news/opinion website, and surely someone of Mr. Lowe’s considerable means can handle it privately and discretely without inflicting its particulars on HuffPo’s readers. Being rich and famous has its costs, but most of us would gladly bear them given the accompanying comforts and privileges, e.g. having enough spare income to hire a full-time employee or two to help us care for our families and maintain our households.

— editorjuno

Bible reading for Mr. Lowe:

None, until we see how the lawsuits (all three of them) shake out.

That, and we couldn’t find in the Bible anyplace God says that whining like a little girl to the public about a matter you should shut up about and let your lawyers handle makes you look like an ass.

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See the main page for Randall Tobias
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In anticipation of the trial of “D.C. Madam” Deborah Jeane Palfrey (subject of a lengthy profile in the San Francisco Chronicle a couple of weeks ago), speculation began about whether or not diaper-loving David Vitter would be forced to testify for the defense.

More interesting items: the mystery client who was Vitter, a rundown of the first day of the trial, and how we were cheated out of the delightful spectre of Vitter squirming in the hot seat.

Claims to fame: Former CEO, AT&T International; former CEO, Eli Lilly; member, numerous corporate boards; major contributor to Republican candidates and PACs; former U.S. Global AIDS Coordinator under George W. Bush; former (and first) first U.S. Director of Foreign Assistance; former Administrator/Ambassador, U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID); john; adulterer; hypocrite to the nth degree

Moral apex: As Bush’s AIDS Czar, supported abstinence-only, no-condom U.S. policy that specifically prohibits foreign aid to organizations that help prostitutes…

Punch line: …while he was patronizing prostitutes.

Tobias’s name showed up on the phone list of the “D.C. Madam” Deborah Jeane Palfrey, who ran an “erotic fantasy service” that didn’t offer sex. (Also: The world is flat.)

Memorable observation:

I think it is somewhat ironic and hypocritical that he would patronize an escort service while he was denying funding to organizations who want to help prostitutes, and supporting a policy that obviously forbids fraternizing with prostitutes.

— Jodi Jacobson, executive director
Center for Health and Gender Equity

Suggested Bible reading for Mr. Tobias:

For thy mouth uttereth thine iniquity, and thou choosest the tongue of the crafty.

Thine own mouth condemneth thee, and not I: yea, thine own lips testify against thee.

— Job 15:5-6

We can’t decide whether to 1) make a crack about how much Bruce Barclay looks like Drew Carey, or 2) ask if Karl Rove was a client (or employee?) of harrisburgfratboys.com. Anyway, this picture, lifted from Barclay’s Web site (which now bars the whole world from seeing it, but you can see an archived version on The Wayback Machine), has been making the rounds on the Web. And getting laughed at. A lot. Click to enlarge.

See the main page for Bruce Barclay

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So, William Marshall McCurdy, the 20-year-old hustler who accused Bruce Barclay of rape, was lying, and now the kid faces charges of “making false reports to law enforcement authorities and unsworn falsifications to authorities. The former charge is a second-degree misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison and a $5,000 fine … and the latter is a third-degree misdemeanor punishable by up to one year in prison and a $2,500 fine.”

So, if Barclay was innocent, why did he resign? Because there’s still that little business about having sex with hundreds of callboys in his home, and videotaping the encounters without their knowledge. This is not debatable; Barclay admitted it.

Ironically, it was the video of Barclay and McCurdy having consensual sex that exonerated Barclay and protected him from a rape charge — yet ended his political career, and could still result in criminal charges.

So, Bruce Barclay remains a permanent inductee, in bad standing, in the Conservative Babylon Hall of Shame — regardless of whether or not criminal charges are ever filed against him.

As for William McCurdy, if he were actually anyone important, he’d get his own entry in ConBab, because — well, get a load of this:

William Marshall McCurdy was enrolled at Messiah College, a Christian school in Grantham, for three semesters…

Messiah College’s “Community Covenant” lists homosexuality as one of a list of “sinful practices” students are to avoid.

McCurdy was also an Eagle Scout — you know, the highest rank in the rabidly anti-gay Boy Scouts of America.

Here are some interesting factoids (not facts, mind you, but factoids) from the U.S. Scouting Service Project:

What happens to a Scout? For every 100 boys who join Scouting, records indicate that:

* RARELY will one be brought before the juvenile court system

* 2 will become Eagle Scouts

. . .

* 12 will have their first contact with a church

* 1 will enter the clergy

* 5 will earn their church award

* 18 will develop a hobby that will last through their adult life …

Well, McCurdy did develop an interesting hobby!

Meanwhile, Mechanicsburg Area Senior High School really needs to re-think the naming of its newly renovated auditorium, no matter how much money the “honoree” donated.

Claims to fame: Former finance VP, SC International Services; deputy commissioner, Immigration and Naturalization Service under Ronald Reagan; deputy director, Office of Management and Budget under George W. Bush (2002 – 2003); Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service (May, 2003 – May, 2007); President and Chief Executive Officer of the American Red Cross (May, 2007 – November, 2007); husband; adoptive father of two French orphans; former foster father; cheater

Moral apex: Went out on his wife by having an “inappropriate relationship with a female subordinate” at the Red Cross.

Consequence: The Red Cross, which “concluded that the situation reflected poor judgment on Mr. Everson’s part and diminished his ability to lead the organization in the future,” demanded and received his resignation, effective immediately.

Suggested Bible reading for Mr. Everson:

And a man found him wandering in the field: and the man asked him, What are you looking for?

— Genesis 37:15

Claims to fame: Republican Monroe Township (Cumberland County), Pennsylvania, commissioner (2004-2008); member, Children’s Services Advisory Board, member, Victim/Witness Policy Board; member, South Central Assembly for Effective Governance; member, Military Heritage Board; member, DUI Advisory Board; member, Holy Spirit Hospital Corporation board; former chair, Monroe Township Municipal Authority; recipient, Award of Excellence, Pennsylvania Chiefs of Police Association; self-made businessman; current host father to two high school exchange students; past host of 15 others; closet case; voyeur; rape suspect; idiot

Moral apex: Became “focus of a state police rape investigation” after a March 30, 2008, rape allegation by an adult male triggered a raid on Barclay’s home April 2nd. Barclay resigned from his county the same day, when the news went public (although details are sketchy; a judge has sealed search-warrant documents for 60 days). As of this writing, no charges have been filed.

But wait! There’s more! Barclay has a thing for male prostitutes — and for videotaping his sexual encounters with them, without their knowledge.

Memorable observations:

In the 30 years after he graduated from high school, Bruce Barclay’s name became a synonym on the West Shore for hard work, philanthropy and homegrown goodness.

— Patriot-News
April 3, 2008

It is clear in my client’s private life he has made an error of judgment.

— Attorney Matthew Gover
April 9, 2008

In Electrical Contracting, Reputation Means Everything

— Home page, BBEC, Inc.
(Bruce Barclay, Electrical Contractor)

Suggested Bible reading for Mr. Barclay:

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

— Matthew 18:9