Ex-Missouri Speaker Rod Jetton Allegedly Beats, Chokes Mistress During Sex; Says She Didn’t Use Safe Word During Apparent SM Play
We say “apparent SM play” because, seriously, does anybody need a safe word during boring old vanilla sex? “Honey, I’m really bored now, so could you stop poking me with that thing? Honey…? Green balloons! Green balloons!”
Of course Rod Jetton is a Republican — the sort who really, really, really hates Teh Ghey: He stripped Missouri Rep. Scott Lipke as chair of the state’s Committee on Crime Prevention and Public Safety because the latter “chose to use the [Jessica's Law] bill to delete 14 words from our laws in order to repeal the gay sex ban in Missouri.
“Thanks to that deletion,” wailed the married, Methodist, “family values” guy in 2007, “it is now legal to engage in deviate sexual intercourse with someone of the same sex here in Missouri.”
Never mind that the U.S. Supreme Court overturned all state sodomy laws years earlier (why let a little thing like that get in the way of keeping your homophobic hatred on the books?), or that Jetton admitted the sex “ban was technically unenforceable”; let’s see what Jetton really knows about deviate sexual intercourse in Missouri:
The complaint alleges Jetton “recklessly caused serious physical injury to — by hitting her on the head, and choking her resulting in unconsciousness and the loss of the function of part of her body.” …The affidavit … says Jetton and the victim agreed on a “safe word” “to use as a stop word during intercourse.”
More at PrimeBuzz.
A safe word, notes Wonkette, “is hard to utter when you’re being CHOKED TO DEATH,” and adds:
Rod Jetton ismarrieddivorced-ish (SEE UPDATE) with three children and attends Methodist church regularly. He is affiliated with the Republican Party. He is a Real American, the end.UPDATE: First the boring correction: Jetton and his wife agreed to a divorce settlement earlier this year, although it’s unclear if that’s been finalized. We don’t know why they got this divorce, but probably because Rod Jetton likes to beat people unconscious during sex.
But the big news: the password was “green balloons.” As in, “You should have said green balloons,” which is a direct quote from Rod Jetton.
“Green balloons” is common street slang for “ha ha you are unconscious and cannot say this term right now.”
See also: KY3 Political Notebook (yes, a legitimate news source is called “KY”).
Related posts (automatically generated):
