Anthony Bittner (R-NoFoolLikeAYoungFool, Wash.)
Claims to fame: 18-year-old failed 2010 Republican candidate, Washington state House of Representatives; senior, Skyview High School, Vancouver, Washington; leader, Young Life (”a ministry in which adult volunteer leaders build mentoring relationships and share their lives with teenagers in order to teach them about Jesus Christ and how to live lives in a personal relationship with him and for him”); anti-choicer; arrogant little geek who thinks the U.S. Constitution is dangerously flawed; accused dope pusher, thief, counterfeiter & forger
Moral apex: Arrested September 16, 2010, along with his two roommates, Jorgan Cattin and Nathan Combs, and another friend, Jeffrey Garlington, on a variety of charges, including “possession of marijuana with intent to deliver; manufacturing marijuana; possession of a controlled substance; using a building for drug activity; unlawful possession of narcotic medication; forgery; possession of stolen property and unlawful possession of payment instruments,” after cops raided the boys’ apartment and found “marijuana plants, pipes, fake $100 bills, scanners and printers used to make counterfeit bills.” (The Columbian, September 17, 2010)
Bittner’s playmates also face charges of burglary and/or forgery, and one of them (Combs) has already squealed on Little Anthony.
Right where he belongs: Back in parental custody after Mommy and Daddy bailed him out of jail.
Memorable observation:
Seeing younger people like Anthony Bittner entering politics as he prepares to graduate High School, gives me every confidence that America’s greatness and the freedoms and liberties our founders fought for us to have will be restored.— Clark County Conservative
April 5, 2010
Memorable quote:
If you support conservative values and independent, common sense ideas, then join me in my race for the State Legislature.
Dog Ate My Homework moment:
Contrary to the voter pamphlet. I DID submit a photo and statement.
Fitting finish: In the Republican primary race, Little Anthony finished seventh… out of seven.
What’s next: Arraignment, slated for September 29, 2010.
Suggested Bible reading for Master Bittner:
A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him.— Proverbs 17:25
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