Conservative Babylon

May 22, 2009

A teacher who became notorious in the 1990s for having an affair with a sixth-grader is hosting a “Hot for Teacher” night at a Seattle bar — along with the former student, now her husband. Bar owner Mike Morris said Mary Kay Letourneau has served her sentence and it’s OK for the couple to have some fun.

More from Yahoo! News.

Letourneau, of course, is the daughter of Conservative Babylonian John Schmitz.

Claims to fame: Failed presidential candidate; prominent “family values” promoter; right-wing extremist extraordinaire; misogynist; adulterer; bad father

Career highlights: Fought to abolish sex education in American schools. Tried to outlaw intrauterine contraceptiion (IUDs). Almost made primary rival Bob Dornan look liberal.

“Feminazi” moment: After a confrontation with high-profile lawyer Gloria Allred, Schmitz OK’d publication of an aide’s press release, “Attack of the Bulldykes,” which called Allred a “slick butch lawyeress” and (according to Wall Street Journal editorialist John Fund, whose own ugly little story you’ll find here too) “described her supporters as ‘a sea of hard, Jewish and (arguably) female faces.’”

Divine retribution: Allred sued; Schmitz had to pony up $20,000 in damages. Was reprimanded by California legislature & lost chairmanship of state Constitutional Amendments Committee.

Believe it or not moment: He got kicked off the national council of the John Birch Society for being too “extreme” — even by their standards!

Punch line: Fathered two out-of-wedlock children with a student.

Punch line of the century: Daughter is Mary Kay LeTourneau, ex-schoolteacher who served prison time (and got a lot of coverage on CNN) for having sex with 13-year-old student, who fathered two children by her.

Final reward: He’s dead now. (Schmitz, not Mary Kay’s boy toy.)

Suggested Bible reading for Mr. Schmitz:

And your children shall wander in the wilderness forty years, and bear your whoredoms, until your carcases be wasted in the wilderness.

— Numbers 14:33

Suggested Bible reading for Ms. LeTourneau:

Wherefore say unto the house of Israel, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Are ye polluted after the manner of your fathers? and commit ye whoredom after their abominations?

— Ezekiel 20:30