Conservative Babylon

See main entry for Anthony Bittner

See all entries for Anthony Bittner

The 18-year-old failed Republican candidate for the Washington state House — and high school senior — who was busted only last week on drug-, forgery-, and counterfeiting-related charges, found himself in the slammer again, “on suspicion of two counts of trafficking in stolen property” — specifically, trying to fence stolen wakeboards on Craigslist.

His Nibs hasn’t been formally charged yet, but, just as before, he was released to the custody of Mommy and Daddy — who would be well advised to use this time of forced-family togetherness to finish raising their precocious little Michael P. Keaton before setting him loose on an unsuspecting world again.

Of course, it may be too late already; he’s 18 now. Still, if he’s in their custody, it may not be too late to ground him, which any good Christian parents would do at the first sign of pride, greed, and premature megalomania.

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Claims to fame: 18-year-old failed 2010 Republican candidate, Washington state House of Representatives; senior, Skyview High School, Vancouver, Washington; leader, Young Life (“a ministry in which adult volunteer leaders build mentoring relationships and share their lives with teenagers in order to teach them about Jesus Christ and how to live lives in a personal relationship with him and for him”); anti-choicer; arrogant little geek who thinks the U.S. Constitution is dangerously flawed; accused dope pusher, thief, counterfeiter & forger (more…)

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