Conservative Babylon

Meet Christie Wahl, 39, Dianna Brewer, 54, Ginnie George, 36, and Zachary Bryant, 20. While no two share the same surname, they’re all related; Brewer is the mother of Wahl and George, and Young Master Zachary is, we believe, Brewer’s grandson.

We just like to think of them as The Alabama Exorcists.

According to WAAY-TV, all four were arrested at a Russelville, Alabama, home (we’re not sure who owns the place) early Valentine Day’s after sheriff’s deputies arrived to investigate a reported domestic disturbance, and were charged with third-degree domestic violence.

Or, as the sheriff told the news station, it was “an exorcism gone bad”: (more…)

When Republican Herschel Young was elected commissioner of Cass County, Missouri, folks wondered if he’d be allowed to take the job, seeing as how he’s a convicted felon; see “Cass County Comish-Elect Herschel Young (R-FelonyAssault, Mo.): Boy-Basher, Boy-Kisser, or Both?,” November 9, 2010.

The good news: His election win was thrown out by a circuit judge, and Weird Herschel won’t be taking office, ever again — at least in Missouri, where convicted felons are barred from holding public office.

Young, meanwhile, says he’ll take his case “all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.” Observes Justin Kendall: “I’m sure the high court has nothing better to do than hear a case from a man who already has a new assault charge pending against him for supposedly throwing a teenager to the ground and trying to kiss him.”

Claims to fame: Republican state senator, Arkansas; typical anti-immigrant gun nut who wears an ill-fitting cowboy hat; speed demon whose daddy should have grounded him and taken away the car keys

Moral apex: In January, led police on a 20-mile high-speed chase through two counties — and we do mean “high-speed,” topping out at 110mph — in his Nissan 350Z. (more…)

Do you need us to comment on the sad irony of these statements by the relatives of 19-year-old Jahmell W. Crockam — whose nickname is “Sav,” short for “Savage” — and who, reports the Asbury Park Press, “has been charged in the separate slayings of [Police] Officer Christopher Matlosz, 27, and Justin Williams, 20″? (more…)

Claims to fame: Montana state senator (Dist. 45); former Montana House rep; lawyer; ex-Marine; Mason; Republican; crusader for harsher drunk-driving laws; astounding hypocrite

Moral apex: Cited January 14, 2011, for having an open container of alcohol in his car. (more…)

Video after the jump.

Meet Dave and Wendy Bitner, stars of our Sanctity of Submissiveness Story of the Month. We’ll get back to Dave and Wendy in a moment. First, we want to return to a question we asked just a few short weeks ago:

We think we know the answer now. (more…)

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-SmugMeany, Tex.) wasn’t looking as sunny as he did in his years-old mug shot today, as he was sentenced to three years in prison for conspiracy, plus ten years’ probation for money laundering, after his November conviction on charges of “illegally funneling corporate money to help elect Republican candidates to the Texas legislature.” CNN has the full story.

Claims to fame: Chair, Hillsborough County, Florida, Republican Party (2008-); contender for chair, (state) Republican Party of Florida; co-owner, Concessions by Cox, Inc., & Catering by Cox, Tampa, Florida; remarried divorcée (thus, biblical adulteress); drunk driver

Moral apex #1: Busted for blowing a .163 BAC — twice the legal limit — in 2004. (more…)

Claims to fame: Former speaker, Florida House of Representatives; devout Baptist; Republican; accused crook (more…)

The place: Tyler, Texas.

The case: A rash of church arson fires.

The criminals: Jason Bourque, 20; Daniel George McAllister, 22 (who met at a Southern Baptist church youth group). (more…)

Alien Autopsies aren’t the only bizarre sight in Roswell, New Mexico: Old Paths Baptist Church pickets Church on the Move. Fireworks ensue. (more…)

More than a few Conservative Babylonians stand out in our minds as people we’d never want to tick off, judging by their off-the-hook overreactions to incidents the rest of us would forget about five minutes after they happened, among them: Tom Hackbarth, who followed a female acquaintance to a Planned Parenthood parking lot with a pistol strapped to his hip, because she turned him down for a date; Chip Pickering, who, when he’s not (allegedly) messing with somebody else’s woman, is (allegedly) picking fights with his son’s soccer coach; and Cary Allred, who gets mean when he’s drunk. (Don’t even ask us what we think of David Hedrick — at least not until after his trial is over.)

Only today, we discovered one Melvin Brown, pastor of Second Community Baptist Church in Venice, California, who— (more…)

OK, so the quote is from last year, but the irony is from this week:

As some of you know, one of our sister churches in in Guyana South America. … The country is divided up in three backgrounds, Hindu, Muslim, and “Christian.” Everyone who is not a Hindu or a Muslim call themselves Christian, even though many still do not know the gospel. We are excited about all that God is doing there through Pastor Ramanah Yankana. We have been partnering with them to build a new sanctuary to worship in. It is completed now, and Lord willing, we are flying down to teach a class and to dedicate the new building. … Keep on falling in love with Jesus. He is altogether lovely.

Love in Christ,
Pastor Lonnie

— Lonnie Broome
(The Church at Orange Heights, Orange Heights, Florida)
April 29, 2009

Probably not so excited about all that God is doing through Pastor Yankana now, eh, Lonnie…? (more…)

Dr. Ondrej Trojan, a Czech doctor involved with the controversial “erotic lie detector” tests used to assess gay applicants for asylum, was fined for offering to masturbate in front of a patient.

Full scoop at The Advocate. (more…)

Yet another paragon of right-wing values — a (George W.) “Bush Pioneer,” described as a “long-time political kingmaker” by the Indy Star, and who was, until last night, expected to run for GOP Party chair again — busted on a DUI: Jim Kittle, former head of the Indiana Republican Party (2002-06), in the town of Carmel, after he was stopped for a routine traffic violation, and failed the breathalyzer test: (more…)

Sobbing and pleading for leniency, former 9th District Assemblyman Daniel M. Van Pelt told a federal court judge Friday he let voters and his family down by taking a $10,000 bribe from FBI informant Solomon Dwek.

But U.S. District Court Judge Joel A. Pisano said Van Pelt’s tears came too late and only because he got caught. …

Van Pelt was arrested in July 2009, along with 44 other people, as part of Operation Bid Rig, New Jersey’s largest public corruption sting. …

Van Pelt was a committeeman in Ocean Township, Ocean County, at the time. The bribe was related to a development there.

Full story, with video of Van Pelt accepting a bribe: pressofAtlanticCity.com, November 20, 2010

…Atlantic County Freeholder Chairman and Surrogate-elect Jim Curcio … is scheduled to appear in Sea Isle City municipal court at 1 p.m. on charges of suspicion of drunk driving and refusing to submit to a breath test. He was arrested by Hamilton Township police at 2 a.m. Oct. 3 on the Black Horse Pike near the Hamilton Mall, telling police he was driving home after several political events connected with his run for the surrogate position.

…Curcio is a former Hamilton Township prosecutor — the lawyer with the firm of Curcio & Curcio in Hammonton…

Less than a month after his arrest, Curcio, a Republican, defeated incumbent Democratic Surrogate Jim Carney 30,928 to 29,805. …

Full story: pressofAtlanticCity.com, November 21, 2010

The recent election of Republican Herschel Young as commissioner of Cass County, Missouri, is being challenged, for the simple reason that Young is a convicted felon, and Missouri doesn’t allow felons to hold public office.

So, what did Young do? He punched a man in the face — because, he claimed, the man spat on Young’s wife. In 1995, he pleaded guilty, and was sentenced to a year’s probation.

This story is boring. Does it get better? Maybe not “better,” but it certainly gets much more interesting: Young is facing new charges (two counts of third-degree assault), stemming from an incident in which he allegedly threw a 14-year-old on the ground — after trying to kiss the boy.

Did you say…? Yes: “…after trying to kiss the boy.”

Read on: (more…)

Claims to fame: Ex-campaign manager for Republican Pennsylvania State Rep. Jeff Pyle (Dist. 60); ex-member, Ford City Borough Council; three-time drunk driver; accused thug; accused thief

(more…)

Claims to fame: Republican Teabagger Cook County, Illinois commissioner; lawyer; acccused vandal

(more…)