Conservative Babylon

Unless, of course, he can still write checks from inside a prison cell. Not, mind you, that he’s definitely going to prison, but it’s a distinct probability, considering that the very rich, very Republican ex-owner of SK Foods just pleaded guilty to racketeering, price fixing, and faking lab tests about SK’s mold-ridden, “organic” tomato paste. (But maybe you were lucky and purchased another brand — unlike the needy people in the San Francisco Bay Area who unwittingly took home some of the 35,000 cans of tomatoes SK unloaded on local food banks in 2008.) (more…)

That Greg Payne left his little kids home alone while he went out drinking and driving is a moot point now; in exchange for pleading guilty to aggravated DUI (or DWI), prosecutors dropped two counts of abandonment and cruelty to a child — and even let go of the moving-violation charge (making a “wide turn” while failing to signal).

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We’d never want to tangle with a Republican woman, even in a good kind of “tangle” — and we’re certainly glad we were nowhere near the classy-sounding Dingus Lounge in Knoxville, Iowa, where Stephanie Jones, 33, one of three Republicans vying for the state senate nom in June, was arrested in the wee hours of Sunday morning on charges of public intoxication and disorderly conduct. Details are sketchy, but cops responded to a “fight in progress.” Miz Jones says she’s innocent, and doesn’t understand why she was arrested. Out on bond, she’s due for her day in court March 26th. (more…)

Claims to fame: Anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-public education Republican/Tea Party Representative, Tennessee State House (2002-); member, Greene County Republican Party; board member, Boys and Girls Club of Greeneville (1998-); member, Unicoi County Chamber of Commerce; coach, Greenville youth baseball; Kiwanis Clubber; Lutheran; former haberdasher; local theatre enthusiast; husband (for now, anyway); father; gun nut; accused wife-smacker-arounder

Moral apex: Arrested and charged with smacking his wife in the face and knocking her down… while she was holding their 11-month-old daughter. (more…)

While we here at ConBab Central are most honored to be mentioned (if only as a “niche website,” a title we readily and humbly accept, at least until ConBab is recognized as the first to out right-wing hypocrites, and… and OMG, we’ve only been doing this for NINE farking YEARS, so how long do we have to wait?! And… Oh, never mind. *sigh*) by such a stellar example of outstanding journalism as Kansas’s Salina Journal, we must defer to Courthouse News as the “niche website” that broke the story of the lawsuit filed against St. John’s Military School, the Domestic and Foreign Missionary Society of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States of America, and the Episcopal Diocese of Kansas, Inc., by parents of students who allege they were bound, gagged, beaten, and urinated upon, among other gross indignities (one allegedly leading to “a broken orbital socket and permanent loss of vision”) by a shadowy-sounding corps of upper classmen called The Disciplinarians. (more…)

Teabagger Tim Donnelly, who in January was given the equivalent of a traffic ticket (while the rest of us probably would have been handcuffed, strip-searched, and thrown in the slammer) for bringing a loaded .45 into California’s Ontario International Airport, is “seeking a plea deal,” according to the SacBee — after pleading not guilty at his arraignment on charges of illegal possession of a loaded firearm and possession of a prohibited item in a sterile area. (more…)

Randy Ramey, Illinois state rep & DuPage County GOP chair, is another Republican whose history of bad judgment is haunting his campaign for the Illinois Senate. And in another display of Eating Their Own, his opponent & fellow Repub — who bills herself as “Conservative Carole,” a “rock-solid conservative Republican “who believes in traditional values and defending the family” (against those terrible, horrible — eeeeek! — gays!) — Carole Pankau, is running an attack ad featuring police video of Ramey’s DUI arrest from 2011 (during which he reportedly blew a .17 on the Drunk-O-Meter). Dirty, dirty, dirty — but these are Republicans. (Oh, and by the way, yes, the image of Pankau is from one of her campaign ads, and yes, she does always look like that. Okay, okay… In truth, this is a good picture.)

Let’s see what Athens Christian School in Athens, Georgia, is all about:

Athens Christian School is an extension of the Christian home. The purpose of ACS is to provide a quality education in a Christian atmosphere. Biblical truths are integrated into the academic content at all grade levels and are the basis for all that is taught. (more…)

Who? What? For folks who don’t know much about football or just don’t care (like us), the Fiesta Bowl is one of those college football games with a parade and a lot of other whoop-de-do-ing around it. That’s about all non-sports fanatics (like us) really to know to make sense of this story of Republican corruption.

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Frederick Ladd Wintle, 59, former Republican Maine statehouse rep (well, we assume he’s still a Republican, but he’s no longer a lawmaker, thank goodness), who resigned in September, 2011, four months after being arrested for pointing a gun at a guy in a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot, was sentenced today to 45 days in the slammer, plus a year on “deferred disposition” (essentially probation); if he messes up, he could be thrown back behind bars for another five years. (more…)

Steve Katz, 58, first-term Republican New York assemblymember “with Tea Party support who ran on a platform of reducing taxes and spending … was hit with a federal tax lien in 1992 for $54,198 in unpaid income taxes, interest and penalties from 1985, 1986 and 1987,” reports LoHud.com. “State regulators tagged him with a tax warrant in 1999 for $2,633.”

Okay, not exactly; actually, he was detained because the police were afraid somebody would get angry at him for littering Calgary with foul-smelling garbage, so they detained him temporarily for his own protection. Which was probably unnecessary, as your average Canadian is more likely to shrug at Whatcott’s vile behavior than deliver a punch in the nose.

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Let’s see what the school itself says…

St. John’s Military School is a private boarding military school for 220 male students from grades 6 to 12. The faculty and staff at St. John’s are dedicated to helping young men develop their leadership and academic skills in a safe and structured, achievement based environment. Our mission is to provide each Cadet with the opportunity to grow spiritually, morally, intellectually, and physically. … (more…)

Meet 54-year-old Rick A. Gemienhardt, who probably won’t be winning a spot on the Delaware County Republican Party’s Central Committee if he’s convicted of stealing his opponent’s campaign propaganda and throwing it down a sewer drain.

What, you don’t think stealing yard signs and the like is a big deal? Quite honestly, neither do we, at least not in the scope of what’s really important in life. (more…)

This upstanding Republican and family man is Greg Payne, 44, former New Mexico House rep, former Albuquerque city councilor, and most likely former anything-else-he-ever-was, if he’s convicted of the charges levied against him last Saturday night.

In a demonstration of Dumb Things You Should Never Do, Especially All at the Same Time, Payne was stopped for making a “wide turn” (and failing to signal) and was busted for DUI (cops say he failed “several” field sobriety tests and blew a 0.16, twice the legal limit) — after he left his children, ages seven and nine, home alone while he went out to a friend’s house. (more…)

…and not just ’cause they don’t live in Laurens County. The Clinton Chronicle was one of the early reporters (if not the earliest) on this latest bit of lunacy from the Right, but Lylah M. Alphonse at Yahoo! sums up the idiocy more succinctly: (more…)

Headline tells all, but you want the juicy details, don’t you? Of course, you do. Here’s the story of either a very stupid man or a full-blown right-wing conspiracy (depending on whose opinion you’re getting) as it’s unfolded so far (with videos of a cute dog and his none-too-bright master after the jump).

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Indicted: Gregory L. Goner, 40, bishop, senior pastor and founder, Spirit Governed Baptist Church, a.k.a. Spirit Governed Church & Ministries, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, as well as “entrepreneur, educator, visionary, servant, philanthropist, encourager, shepherd, teacher … and prognosticator of the gospel ” — well, just go see his self-glorifying bio after the jump (as well as a rather amusing screencap from Goner’s goner website) — on charges of ripping off government money earmarked for the school he runs (or maybe, by now, ran)… (more…)

“In the Legislature, Tim has earned the reputation of a conservative who holds steadfast to his beliefs: fighting illegal immigration, defending public safety, removing restrictions on business growth, and protecting the taxpayers’ pocketbooks.” — Tim Donnelly official bio

How about holding steadfast to not endangering public safety — and not violating federal law — by trying to bring a loaded gun onto an airplane? (more…)

So, what else is new?

State Rep. Bob Genetski is fighting to keep his driver’s license after allegedly refusing a Breathalyzer test, contrary to information he released earlier indicating he had taken the mandatory test. … (more…)